“I am a carrier of the light. All that I think, say, and do expresses Divinity.”
“Divine order is at work in my life.”
I haven’t been feeling very good about myself lately. I question the decisions I make and wonder if they are the right ones. Am I being most loving? Most Divine? What could I do differently next time? These questions come most when I’m feeling overwhelmed by what life’s dealt out to me.
I recently had to put my dog down. It was probably the hardest thing I’ve ever done. I questioned myself the entire time – Is this what’s right? Is there something I could do to make her better? Is this what she wants? Will she hate me?
I’m also faced with decision to rehome my other dog. He and Cohen haven’t been getting along lately, and we’ve had one too many close calls. I can’t chance something happening and Cohen getting hurt. But still, I question. Do I have to do this? Can I manage them and keep them separate? Am I a terrible mother for even considering keeping the dog? He’s so old. And not in the best of health, either. If I can’t find someone to take him, it would kill me to have to surrender him. I have no idea what to do, which is why I’ve avoided posting what I wrote nearly a month ago to see if anyone would want him. I had it all ready to go, and then Izzy got sick… Now I’m faced with the reality of losing both of my pups.
Parenting is getting hard. We have two preteens and a toddler. I’m sure other parents can relate, there are times when we feel like we have no idea what we are doing. Did we do that right? Should I have said that? Was that the right form of discipline? Am I instilling the right values in our children? Am I nurturing them enough?
As evident by the quiet blog and social media space, I have no idea what I’m supposed to be doing with my career and writing. I know what my soul desires, but am I taking the steps needed to create that, or am I hindering myself? Am I crazy for thinking I have any ability to make a living off my work here? How can I do it all – my soul work and my actual work that puts food on my family’s table?
Though it can be overwhelming, questioning like this is good for us. It means we’re aware and thinking about the choices we make. That’s better than hiding our heads in the sand in ignorance. We just can’t let the questions outweigh the truths we know about who we Divinely are. Question all you want, but still remember that you are a carrier of the light. Remember that Divine order is at work in these situations and your entire life. Use these questions to inform the decisions you make in your life to create the life you want.
So as I question all of the stuff going on around me, I take time to remember my truths. I am a carrier of the light. Divine order is at work in my life. Even when I am faced with difficult decisions. Even when life throws adulthood in my face. Even when I feel like I have no idea what I’m doing. These truths don’t change.
What are your ultimate truths? What can you remind yourself of during times like these where you question everything? Knowing the answers to these questions can lead to experiencing a lot more peace in your life.
Embrace your questioning heart – it’s only human. Just don’t let the questions make you forget what you know deep down to be true.